The No. 1 Rule of Business Relationships

CBS MoneyWatch August 22, 2012 8:54 AM By Dave Logan (MoneyWatch) There's a weird zeitgeist going on right now. Many of the people around me are having relationship problems -- personal, family and professional. Not sure if my corner of the universe is different from yours, but either way, it's time we got one thing straight. There is one thing you need to do, and one thing you insist others around you do, to keep business relationships vibrant: Communicate in real time. If something bothers you, say it while it's fresh. If you like something, say it. Unexpressed communication sinks into people like industrial dumping sinks into the dirt. It leeches into the groundwater, makes plants die and children get sick. Unexpressed communication withers relationships, builds up hostilities and finally erupts, often in a way that is almost never helpful. There's a process I call the "communication cleanse" that even the klutziest person can learn. Here it is: Person #1 says, "I need to tell you something, please just listen to it." Person #2 agrees. Do not move forward until the agreement is set. Person #1 dumps. Person #2 listens, takes it in. They don't agree, disagree or anything else. Listen. Person #2 asks if there's anything else. Process continues until person #1 says she's done. Now reverse roles. Person #2 reacts, perhaps with an apology if that's warranted, or with a gripe. Person #1 listens. If it's a simple situation, this is a two-minute conversation. If you're not in the habit of using the communication cleanse, then one issue will likely bring up other things to talk about, so this may take more time. My company just finished its biannual planning meeting. We used a group version of this process called the "oil change" that keeps business relationships fresh and vital. You can read about our oil change process here. If you don't follow the communication cleanse or oil changes for groups and "tribes," the relational death spiral almost always begins. Here's how it goes. Unexpressed communication starts finding other unexpressed communication, all within the person's mind. He decides that the other is a certain way. Our mental patterns both reveal and conceal. They reveal evidence that supports the belief and conceal anything to the contrary. It's tragic to see this death spiral of relationships happen. A person gets mad, but doesn't express it. The anger sinks into them and festers. A narrative takes shape in his mind that the other person is bad, mean, intolerant, egocentric, and that their energy is negative. This narrative finds more evidence, and soon the weight of it is overwhelming. In the mind of the person who doesn't communicate in real time, the other is tried, found guilty and convicted -- sentence is then passed, all without the other knowing anything is going on. She is bad and should never be trusted, and it's best to warn others. And since narratives love to find even more evidence, gossip sets in. The other is now tried and convicted within a family or work group. When the inevitable explosion happens, it's usually too late. The narrative is now like a creature with a survival instinct. It denies conflicting evidence, claws to hold onto its "facts." It holds to patterns and judgments the way a survivor of a shipwreck, alone on the vast ocean, clings to anything that floats. When people defend themselves against a narrative -- by, for example, bringing up other evidence or saying how it looked from their side -- the person whose mind has condemned the other for multiple crimes effectively changes the topic. Sure, maybe in that single case there's a reason you can explain yourself, but what about this? And the other? You're seeing the narrative fight for its survival. Overturning the sentence of a death spiral, and recognizing that the narrative is partial at best, is like trying to get an innocent person off death row. Most people stick to their narrative about the other even when facts contradict it. A lot of executive coaching amounts to trying to undo the damage of the death spiral. In one of the great ironies of communication, all of this usually started because the person wanted a good relationship with the other. He actually liked the other person. If they followed the rule of the communication cleanse, it all would have been worked out in real time. The truth is that as human beings, we are so bad at communication that the longer relationships last, the more likely they are to sour. Because we don't follow rule #1 and communicate in real time, we fall victim to our own narratives, cast others into the relational death spiral, and end up resigned about people in general. Relationships that could have produced great results, world-changing innovation and vitality to an organization turn into corporate divorces. People take sides, silos form and the company itself sinks into mediocrity. Philip Jay LeNoble, Ph.D. of Littleton, CO sees texting and other handheld, computer-driven devices often reducing the potential of great realtionships when they are the primary communication method between client and media rep.

Auto and Political Drive Spot TV Gains

MediaLife July 31, 2012 First quarter spending rises 2.6 percent, first year-to-year gain since 2010. By Toni Fitzgerald With a major boost from political spending and a resurgence in the automotive category, spot television saw its first quarterly gain in a year during first quarter 2012. Total spending was up 2.6 percent, according to Kantar Media data analyzed by the TVB, which includes 662 local English-language stations and 71 Hispanic ones. Advertisers spent $3.705 on the medium from January to March, up from $3.611 billion in first quarter 2011. Buyers say pricing on those ads is rising, too, mostly due to the squeeze on inventory from a crush of political ads taking over the airwaves. "Pretty much everyone's saying there is an uptick in pricing right now, and the reason is politicals and to a lesser extent the Olympics," one West Coast local media buyer says. Automotive was the No. 1 category during first quarter, up 7.7 percent over last year, to $649 million. Much of that was driven by strong spending from dealerships associations and local dealers. They tend to spend more when manufacturers pull back, hoping to lure potential buyers into the showroom even when the money is not coming from carmakers. Honda, for example, cut spot spending by 9.5 percent during first quarter, to $60.4 million. The Honda dealer association countered by ramping up its spending by 42 percent, to $22.6 million. The Toyota Dealership Association raised spending by 7.5 percent, to $77.1 million, after Toyota itself slashed spending by 21.5 percent, to $28.7 million. It was the third straight quarterly gain for automotive advertising, after spending slowed during the first half of last year, in part because of the Japanese hurricane and tsunami that prompted manufacturers and dealers to yank their ads. The natural disasters hurt production of cars, leading to inventory shortages, and the companies did not want to advertise cars they did not have available to actually sell. Auto was not the only category to drive spot TV's first quarterly year-to-year gain since fourth quarter 2010. Political also added nearly $41 million to the marketplace that was not there last year. Total spending hit $54.1 million, which was $12 million more than the same quarter two years ago during the last major national election. That fits with what local buyers have been saying. They're already reporting sold-out conditions in key swing states during third quarter driven by huge political spending. Still, while spending was healthy in most categories during first quarter, a few continue to lag. Communications/telecom, the No. 2 spot TV spending category, was down 9.8 percent, its fifth straight quarterly decline. And prescription medication and pharmaceutical houses as well as medicines and remedies were down double-digit percentages. Philip Jay LeNoble, Ph.D. says, " Build your local-direct revenue all yar long so the lowest unit rate (LUR) from political will equal what the local client is paying year round." Also, he says history has proven don't be so quick to abandon or set aside local direct in favor of political dollars as it will cost you for the next four years.

Let it go: 4 Ways to Leave Stress at Work

CBS MoneyWatch July 31, 2012 By Amy Levin-Epstein (MoneyWatch) Having a work-life balance isn't just about flexible schedules and telecommuting. It's also about being able to mentally separate your work and personal lives. Whether you're coming home to a family, significant other or roommates, you're not going to be at your best -- or healthiest -- if workday stress follows you home at night. More than likely, you've already been listening to relaxing music on your commute, or reading a book. Here are four new ways to decompress: Get out of your day clothes Your wear your weekend clothes when you're enjoying R&R -- and simply changing into them may put you in that mindset. "Put on your jeans or comfort clothes. They give off a relaxed vibe that signals your brain and unconscious mind that work is done," says Joan Borysenko, PhD and author of Fried: Why You Burn Out and How to Revive. Depending on your office, you may be able to do this before you even leave for home. Smile on purpose In the case of grinning, it turns out that you can fake it 'til you make it. "We smile when we feel happy. We also feel happy when we smile. Your brain essentially says, "Oh, I'm smiling, I must be happy." And your mood follows suit. Make a concerted effort to smile and even laugh before you walk into your house, suggests Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness Stretch it out There's a reason why you don't see a lot of stressed-out yoga teachers. But you don't have to spend all day Om-ing to reap real benefits. "Do simple stretches and breathing exercises in your office at day's end, like neck rolls, shoulder rolls, opening and closing the jaw," suggests Ginny Whitelaw, author of The Zen Leader: 10 Ways To Go From Barely Managing to Leading Fearlessly. Change your scent surroundings Ever notice how a spa has aromatherapy scents to help set the mood? You can imitate that by spraying yourself (or your car) with a relaxing smell, like lavender or vanilla. "These signal your brain that you have entered a different environment," says Borysenko. Basically, once your brain clearly "knows" that you aren't at work anymore, you'll start to slough off the stress associated with that time and place PS Your author of LeNoble's Media Sales Insights, Philip Jay LeNoble, Ph.D.has registered for his certification as a student with West Coast Institute of Aromatherapy and will be able to guide you through stress reduction and mind/body healing techniques using aromatherapy. Watch for it here.